AGENCY CHARTER & ORGANIZATION
SECTION 1 — FOUNDING CHARTER
It all started on a peaceful Sunday morning in 2023, when our founder, Michael Johnson, found himself trapped behind a peloton of 30+ spandex-clad cyclists blocking an entire lane on a winding mountain road. The 45-minute delay to his child's soccer game was the final straw.
What began as a Facebook rant quickly evolved into a full-fledged movement as thousands of Americans realized they weren't alone in their frustration. Finally, someone was speaking the uncomfortable truth about road bikers and their disregard for everyone else on the road.
Within months, AARBAA chapters sprouted in all 50 states. The message was clear: Americans want cyclists to have safe places to ride—just not on busy roads where they endanger themselves and frustrate everyone else.
ADVISORY — READ BEFORE PROCEEDING
We're not anti-cycling. We're anti-entitlement. We're anti-chaos. We're anti-"rules apply to everyone except me." We fully support cycling—in appropriate, designated areas that don't compromise the safety and sanity of others.
SECTION 2 — ARTICLES OF MISSION
ARTICLE I
We work tirelessly to promote the development of dedicated cycling infrastructure separated from vehicle traffic. This isn't just for drivers—it's safer for cyclists too!
ARTICLE II
We believe cyclists using public roads should be held to similar standards as motorists: proper identification, adherence to traffic laws, and liability insurance for accidents they cause.
ARTICLE III
We fight against the disproportionate influence of cycling lobbies on local transportation decisions. The needs of the many should outweigh the preferences of the few.
ARTICLE IV
We develop educational materials and campaigns to help the public understand the real costs and dangers of mixed vehicle-bicycle traffic on roads not designed for it.
SECTION 3 — ORGANIZATIONAL VALUES
We believe that road safety is non-negotiable, and mixing 20 mph bikes with 45 mph cars creates unnecessary danger for everyone.
We advocate for transportation systems that serve the needs of the many, not just the vocal few with expensive hobby equipment.
We encourage honest conversations about road use that have been suppressed by politically correct transportation planning.
SECTION 4 — DOCKET OF PROCEEDINGS
2023 · Q1
INCIDENT REPORT
A 45-minute Sunday-morning delay behind a peloton of 30+ spandex-clad cyclists is recorded on a winding mountain road. One (1) child’s soccer game is missed. The matter is referred for further action.
2023 · Q2
FOUNDING FILING
The founding grievance is published to Facebook. Thousands of Americans respond in concurrence. The Association is duly constituted.
2023 · Q4
FIELD EXPANSION
Within months of founding, chapters are chartered in all 50 states. Field offices commence operations.
2026 · PRESENT
ONGOING PROCEEDINGS
The Bureau continues its work. Subsequent proceedings are entered in the official records.
SEE ALSO: OFFICIAL RECORDS — MEMORANDA LOG, /NEWS
SECTION 5 — OFFICE OF THE GENERAL COUNSEL
Well, yes... and no.
While we employ humor and satire to highlight the absurdity of current road-sharing situations, our core concerns are deadly serious. Each year, hundreds of cyclists are killed on roads, and thousands more are injured. Meanwhile, countless traffic delays and near-miss incidents erode public goodwill toward cycling.
Our approach may be tongue-in-cheek, but our mission is sincere: we want better infrastructure that keeps everyone safe and traffic flowing. Cyclists deserve dedicated paths where they can ride without fear of vehicles, and drivers deserve roads where they can operate at normal speeds without the anxiety of navigating around vulnerable road users.
SO OPINED. FILED WITHOUT FURTHER COMMENT.
FORM AAR-100 — APPLICATION FOR ENROLLMENT
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