ROAD ETIQUETTE: A CONCEPT SO FOREIGN
We might as well have been teaching quantum physics to kindergarteners.
Caution: This report contains shocking revelations about human behavior that may cause spontaneous face-palming.
THE GREAT DECENCY INTERVENTION
Workshop by the Numbers
- 🚲 200+ Attendees
- 🚨 1 Massive Reality Check
- 📊 99% Resistance to Basic Logic
- 🏆 0 Participation Trophies Awarded
Curriculum Highlights
- 🛑 Red Lights: Not a Suggestion
- ➡️ Single File: It's Not a Conga Line
- 🚗 Sharing Road: You're Not the Main Character
- 🧠 Basic Traffic Laws: They Exist
SHOCKING MOMENTS OF ENLIGHTENMENT
Imagine our surprise when we discovered that explaining basic road courtesy was equivalent to teaching quantum mechanics to a goldfish. Our workshop wasn't just a meeting—it was an intervention of epic proportions.
"We came, we lectured, we marginally improved humanity's collective road intelligence by 0.03%."
THE REFORMED: A RARE SPECIES
Against all odds, a small contingent of cyclists actually attended and—wait for it—took notes. These unicorns of the cycling world proved that evolution might still be possible.
- 🕊️ 3 Cyclists showed genuine remorse
- 🧐 2 Actually asked intelligent questions
- 🤯 1 Admitted to previously being "that guy"
KEY LESSONS HAMMERED HOME
- 🚦 Red Lights Are Not Optional Performance Art Installations
- 🚲 The Road Is Not Your Personal Training Ground
- 👥 Single File: It's Not a Cycling Parade
- 🤝 Sharing Means Not Causing 17-Car Pileups
Disclaimer: No lycra was harmed during the making of this workshop. (But many egos were.)
WORKSHOP METHODOLOGY & MATERIALS
Our approach to the Cyclist Decency Workshop was carefully designed to penetrate even the most dense layers of cyclist entitlement. Using a combination of scientific data, dramatic reenactments, and what educators call "tough love" (or what we call "reality"), our team of road etiquette experts created a curriculum that left no excuse unaddressed.
Workshop materials included our award-winning pamphlet "So You Think Traffic Laws Don't Apply To You: A Reality Check" and the interactive workbook "How Not To Be That Guy: 101 Ways To Stop Annoying Everyone On The Road."
WORKSHOP SESSION BREAKDOWN
Morning Session
Fundamentals of Not Being Terrible
- ✓ Basic Traffic Laws Review
- ✓ The Red Light Isn't a Suggestion
- ✓ Right of Way Isn't "Might Makes Right"
Afternoon Session
Advanced Courtesy Concepts
- ✓ Single File: A Revolutionary Concept
- ✓ Hand Signals: Not Just For Show
- ✓ The Revolutionary Art of Yielding
Evening Session
Rehabilitation & Commitment
- ✓ Pledge Signing Ceremony
- ✓ Support Group Formation
- ✓ 12-Step Program Introduction
THE CYCLIST PLEDGE
Official AARBAA Cyclist Rehabilitation Pledge
As a reformed cyclist, I solemnly pledge to:
- Stop at all red lights, even when "nobody is looking"
- Ride single file when vehicles need to pass
- Use hand signals before turns and lane changes
- Not pretend I'm competing in the Tour de France on public roads
- Acknowledge that spandex does not grant me special road privileges
- Remember that my carbon fiber frame is not made of vibranium and will not protect me from physics
- Accept that coffee shops are not cyclist-only parking lots
- Understand that car horns are not applause for my performance
Workshop Resources
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